Every time I’ve fallen for a guy and it has ended (so, every time…) I’ve felt like I would never, ever get over it.
I’ve felt like I would never be able to fully move on. Like I’d think about them every time I heard a song about love—whether the song was happy or sad. Every time I watched a romantic comedy. Every time I saw my friends with their boyfriends.
Obviously I’ve known deep down that I’d proceed with my life and things would be ok, but each time, I’ve felt like that’s all I’d be—ok.
Of course, all feelings are temporary. These feelings fade almost as quickly as they creep in.
The other day, I was reminded of a person that not too long ago, I was devastated over losing. A person I was convinced would be in my life forever. A person I thought was irreplaceable.
And what did I feel in that moment?
Relief.
That’s right. I thought to myself, “Wow. You dodged a bullet, girl.” I didn’t feel a flutter when I looked at them. I didn’t see a flash of my future with them. Instead, I felt a wave of peace wash over me. It almost felt foreign.
After all, it was never meant to be.
In that same moment, I thought of my current situation and had the liberating realization that someday, sooner than later, I will look back at the heartbreak I’m currently feeling and it will feel like I’m an outsider looking in on a situation that wasn’t even mine.
I’m sure the “epiphany” I had seems so obvious. But when you’re in the midst of feeling sad and hopeless, a small, sudden realization is more like a breakthrough.
As I’ve written about before, I am a deeply sensitive human being. A lot of times, it makes life more difficult. I fall hard for people, and I fall apart even harder.
I had a talk with my mom about this the other day. It’s not often that I admit to her (or anyone, really) how much I internalize these things and let them eat at me…because it’s embarrassing! But, as any great mother does, she knows anyway. I told her I don’t know why I go through so much heartbreak, because when I compare myself to my friends, it seems like it happens to me more often than is “normal.”
Her answer: “You go through so much because you are going to find your prince at the end! You have to have high standards and be willing to wait. Karma will go around as it should and you will end up better for it.”
God, are moms the best or what?
My sensitivity often feels like more of a curse than a blessing. But then I remind myself that someday, the right person will fall in love with the fact that I feel everything so deeply. That I put all I have into one person or one thing at a time. That I wear my heart on my sleeve and they never have to wonder how I feel. That I do everything with passion, or not at all.
So for my fellow broken-hearted ladies and gentlemen, take a moment. Look back on the last few people you’ve cried over. Now think about what you feel today. If it’s anything less than pain, you’ve done it—you’ve moved on.
And you will keep moving on…
Again and again and again.
Colorfully Yours,
Haley
