We’ve all had that talk with a friend. That “you’re so much better than him” talk. That friend usually looks us as with sad, ashamed eyes. “I know,” she’ll say, as she looks down.

But things don’t change.

We tell her over and over that she deserves so much more. We list her best qualities as she blushes. We hug her and tell her that, as her friends, we just want what’s best for her.

So why don’t we do the same for ourselves?

I’ve been asking myself that lately, as I’ve given pep talks and advice—and even ultimatums—to friends that are in toxic situations. I’ve gotten frustrated when these friends have continued to give these guys the time of day despite my pleas and valid arguments.

But then, I’ve ignored the same pleas.

“You deserve the best,” they tell me.

They back up their points with specific examples. They tell me I’m kind and funny. Intelligent and genuine.

Yet I don’t listen, either.

Hypocritical?

Absolutely.

So why is it that we find it so easy to give our friends the very advice that we ignore when it’s given to us? Why do we expect them to do better when we don’t require that of ourselves?

I don’t have a definitive answer for that. Clearly, I’m trying to figure it all out myself. But what I can share is a promise. That next time I’m starting to let a guy (or anyone!) bring me down, I will treat myself as I would a friend.

I will remind myself of my best qualities.

And I won’t keep accepting excuses.

You should join me.

Demanding better of those we let into our lives is hard. Demanding better of ourselves is even harder.

But if there’s anything I know, it’s this:

We’re worth it.

 

Colorfully Yours,

Haley