I’m in the Middle Class of Dating

I feel like I’m in the weird, middle-of-the-road section of the dating pool.

I’m not some stunning woman with an enviable body. I don’t have a million Instagram followers or strangers sliding into my DMs. I don’t go to bars and have men clamoring to buy me drinks. 

But, I also feel like I’m pretty normal. Even—dare I say—a good catch!

I’m not into anything super out of the ordinary, like anime or live action role playing. (Not that those are lame! Just…niche.) I’m outgoing and approachable, and I always make sure to look presentable. I’m fun without being wild, I’m well educated, and I have a good job.

So, why does it seem like this “middle tier” is the hardest place to find a guy? 

It sometimes feels like my options are either to lower my standards or to shoot for someone “out of my league,” which often leads to lowering my standards anyway.

You may be asking, “What do you mean, Haley?”

Well, I’ve noticed that often, when guys are very attractive and successful, they are aware of those facts…and expect that you will be at their beck and call. As if you should be honored that they’re giving you the time of day.

(Before you yell at me, of course I know this isn’t applicable to all men!)

You could say my standards are too high. But I don’t think a woman should have to be a supermodel in order to expect her potential significant others to be gainfully employed, decently attractive, funny and kind. After all, I’m all of those things! So why should I have to settle for a man that isn’t?

Two of my latest dating situations have perfectly represented the two opposite ends of this spectrum. To help you visualize what I mean, I’m giving you TMI. You’re welcome!

Male #1 hasn’t had a “real” job in several years…and doesn’t seem to be too concerned about that. We have fun together, have a lot of chemistry, and always end up back in each other’s lives. So I started to beat myself up for being unreasonable about telling him I didn’t want to date. “Should I just do it?” I thought. I had to snap out of it and tell myself that being career driven and wanting someone who is hardworking as well is pretty much the opposite of unreasonable. 

Male #2 is extremely successful, good looking, and had a great upbringing. He’s perfect on paper. So when he kept stringing me along, I stuck around. I thought to myself, “this is what you have to put up with to get that kind of guy.” This went on for months—he never made time for me or put any real effort in, but would drop some breadcrumbs to keep me coming back. Finally, I realized that I have way too much to offer to have it wasted on someone that doesn’t appreciate it. 

So, sure, I had these moments of clarity. I realized my worth in these two specific situations. But where does that leave me? I’m still caught in what I’ll call the “middle class” of dating. 

Where are all of those men hiding?

Do any of you feel this way? I’d love to hear about your dating experiences—the good, the bad, and the ugly!

Colorfully Yours,

Haley

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2 Comments

  1. As someone who has dated in NYC for the past XX number of years, YES! I feel the exact same way! 1000000% I do feel like it got better once I moved out of Manhattan but still! It’s so darn hard.

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