Yesterday, I treated myself to a massage. Well, that’s a stretch…it was free at my gym because I referred a new client. But, let’s pretend that’s something I could afford to do on a whim.

Anyway, it was amazing. I have decided that insurance companies should cover massages like they do a psychiatrist visit. Not only did it relax me more, but I also had so many epiphanies during those sixty minutes! Who needs a therapist when you have yourself, some candles and a stranger massaging you? Ok fine, I probably still need a therapist.

Moving on.

Friday night, I was home by myself watching Netflix and drinking some wine. This isn’t meant to sound sad—my friends and family know that that’s actually my dream evening. But after drinking two glasses of wine and getting a little too invested in a romantic story arc on The Mindy Project, I started to get a little sad about my lack of success in the love department.

Fast forward to my massage on Saturday…and I think I cracked the dating code.

That’s totally a stretch.

But I did realize something. While it may seem obvious, I came to the conclusion that it’s a good thing that none of my past romantic situations have panned out. Why? Because I realized that the person I end up dating should only be in my life if they make me a better person. If they don’t, what’s the point?

You don’t keep visiting a hairstylist that leaves your hair looking exactly the same as it did when you walked into the salon, right? Sure, the process of the shampoo and blow dry felt good for the hour you were there. But you didn’t invest that money to look the same as you did $200 earlier.

Maybe that’s a bad analogy, but stay with me.

I started to mentally revisit all of my old flings—many of which I sometimes kick myself for not making work. I had fun with a lot of them, after all!

But while having fun is crucial in any kind of relationship, that’s the easy part. I have fun drinking too many mimosas at brunch with my friends, but does that mean I should make it the major focus of my life? Probbbbably not.

As I revisited the Ghosts of Lovers Past, I could only think of maybe one guy that made me a better person. And no, I don’t mean someone that volunteers at soup kitchens with me or takes me to church (hard pass on the latter, in fact). I mean someone that makes me want to be the best version of myself.

At this present moment, for me, that means someone that encourages me to be my quirky and usually-too-loud self. Someone that reminds me of my potential, even when that means showing some tough love. Someone that challenges me—and makes me challenge myself. Obviously, these priorities are different for everyone…and they’ll likely be different for me a year from now!

Of course, it’s not all about me…and contrary to popular belief, I wouldn’t want it to be. I want the person I’m with to feel that I make them a better version of themselves, too.

If the person you’re with doesn’t challenge you or encourage you, why invest time and effort into the relationship? In that case, you’re better off just spending time with yourself on the couch watching The Mindy Project. 

Of course you can (and should) take this all with a grain of salt, since I haven’t had a so-called “boyfriend” since high school. But I have kissed a lot of proverbial frogs in my day.

I guess I’m going to have to keep kissing ‘em until I find one that makes me the best version of myself.

And I might just turn him into a prince along the way.

 

Colorfully Yours,

Haley